There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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