eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
