Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
