would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
