i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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