he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
