that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
