This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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