I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize