is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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