around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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