I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
