I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I've blown a few things in my day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
