Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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