i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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