I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
