he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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