Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
