if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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