I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
