Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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