i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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