I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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