She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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