I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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