i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
