at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
