Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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