Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Two words: nipple clamps
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