I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
