I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
