She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
