I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize