Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
