Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
