Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
