Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
