he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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