she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
