this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
