Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
