Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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