The maid of honor just puked.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
