I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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