To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
