I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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