i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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