She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
