That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
