Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
