you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
