so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
