North Korea, Best Korea!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
