Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
