haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
