Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
