talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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