can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
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is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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