I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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