I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize