in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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