Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
