There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
