the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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