the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
