...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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