it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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