I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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