dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
