Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
