living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
