We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
