I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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