Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
