its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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