I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
