you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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