miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
