Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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