It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
