I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
