So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My ass is underappreciated
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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