My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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