Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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